This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
