I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
two words: eviction party
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
