My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
