I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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