Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
