Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
