Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
wow bdsm is so cute
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
