Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
