ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
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Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
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woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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