we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
