Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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