this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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