Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
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