the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
