She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
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He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
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I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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