no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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