We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she smelled like a LAN party
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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