Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.