...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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