All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
