wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
