yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
