i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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