Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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