so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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