At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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