the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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