i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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