hotel room ftw
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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