There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
