i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
