Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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