he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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