It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
