I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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