Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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