Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
