I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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