a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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