I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
