nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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