My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
