Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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