Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
