Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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