So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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