i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
