I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We need to rekindle our bromance
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
