how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
