but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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