dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
