dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
