I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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