yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
