I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
