you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
