he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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