I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
