I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Little spoons don't ask big questions
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
