have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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