Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
