if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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