i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
