just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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