Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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