I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
