Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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