I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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